Sometimes when some people’s situation changes, they change the way they treat those who have been there for them since day one. When they get money, fame, a new status or position, they start to see things differently—they become blinded by their ‘own supposed success.’ When things change, don’t change the way you treat people that have always love you. Stay humble and don’t forget the people who helped you to get where you are now. While this is true, I think it is emotional blackmail. We should help people without expecting something in return. When you give, you should do it in a sincere manner. Try to understand that one is free to express their reaction. While it hurts to be left behind after investing a lot of time and energy into someone, they are ultimately free to do whatever they want. If I work so hard to support someone and they become emotionally unavailable in the process, It is understable that the person might leave me behind once they are able to fend for themselves. If people believe they have no reason to keep you in their new reality, it is okay. If you lose countless friends during darker times, just know that it is not the end of the world. There is always light at the end of the tunnel—you will still get help from others. I think emotional blackmail is toxic. Give without expecting something in return. If someone is tired of you, so be it.
- Stop worrying—-what you are worried about might not come to pass. Whether there is a solution to the problem or not, do not waste time worrying about about it.
- Be nice to yourself—speak and act like you love yourself.
- Be nice to other people. Cheer yourself up by trying to cheer someone else up.
- Get another job–people who suffer through work are suffering and it shows up in other areas of their lives. Much as you have to work to make a living, you shouldn’t work yourself to death in misery.
- Accept people or move on. Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.
- Stop saying you are fine. See it for what it is not what you want it to be. Don’t keep things bottled in if you have something to say. You will feel better as soon as you get it out and have a chance to talk about it.
- Say no to things that are not really important.
- Take it out—the more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow. Everyone needs to have at least one person in their lives they can share their thoughts and feelings with. Don’t get trapped in your own head in cycles of negative thinking.
- Tell others you love them. If you love someone, tell them because hearts are broken by the words left unspoken. You might not wake up tomorrow. It is scary, but true. Take advantage of the opportunity to tell people you care while you can. You will be happy you did and it will make you feel happier that you don’t keep those things bottled up inside.
- Don’t pay attention to what others are doing.
- Never stop creating
- Be patient and push on
- Money isn’t everything
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he does not want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man is not treating you as you deserve, then just know that you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle for less. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use that against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within. Don’t ever make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he is has a higher education status or a better job, do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man–nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing good about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Dating is fun even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar, but get to know others. A lot of women are scared of being alone and this makes them stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful. You should know that you’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he will miss out on a good thing. If he is attracted to you in the first place, just know that he is not the only one. They are all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies, take care of your own hearts!
ALL men fall under one of these or more. Figure him out today.
1. A man who says he grew up without a father figure.
He is insecure, fears public opinion and as a result responds to what is said about him out there. He fears to take a bold move. The woman who conquers such a man is the one who cheers every little sign of bold action. He will always lean on his woman to gain courage even in business.
2. A man who says he can’t find a woman like his mother.
He takes a long time to decide on marriage issues–all potential suitors will be seen through the lens of his mother, cooking and pampering, to name but a few. The woman who conquers this man should be a good babysitter. Pamper this man and treat him like a baby and soon the mum will be outdone.
3. A man who says he is not a child anymore.
This is common with those born after older siblings. They have been called ‘childish’ all their lives. They can be daredevils, all in the name of trying to prove that they are old enough. They become crazy risk takers, join the army, drive racing cars, fight, smoke hard stuff or take on suicidal missions. The women who conquer these men should be highly adventurous, ready for adrenaline rush type of relationship. All the woman has to do is periodically create some adventurous activity like ‘Honey, I know you can do this…..’ During sex the woman has to play victim and use expressions like ‘you are killing me, you are the strongest and you are a real man,’ to name but a few. Remember anything that says you are the man will melt him and get him into action. To control him you could say things like ‘ real men don’t do this and that.’
A while ago, there was a man who had four wives. The first wife was very loyal. She made a great contribution towards his wealth and health, but he did not care about her. He hardly took notice of her. The second one was very kind and patient. She would help him whenever he had a problem. His third wife was really beautiful and he loved to show her off in public. He loved the fourth wife so much that he gave her everything a woman would ever want.
When the man fell ill, he knew that he was going to die soon. He wondered, ‘I have four wives, but when I die I will be alone.’ He called his fourth wife and said, “I love you so much. When I die, will you follow me, and keep me company?” She refused and walked away. He was very sad. The third wife also refused. She said, “Life is so good. When you die, I will find another man.” He asked his second wife the same question and she refused too. Then, a voice came from outside, “I will go with you no matter what.” He realized that it was his first wife’s voice. She was really sad. He looked up and said with grief, “I should have taken care of you when I had the chance.”
The truth is, we have those four wives in our lives. The fourth wife represents your body. You try to make it good for your entire life, but it will leave you when you die. The third wife represents your wealth. When you die, it will go to others. The second wife represents your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And the first wife represents your soul. In pursuit of body, wealth and pleasure, we often ignore it. Soul is the only thing that will follow you. In this world, we live for pleasure and sometimes ignore our soul. We should focus on our inner self—our soul. Strengthen and cherish it for it is the only part that will follow and always be with us.
I believe you will have accomplished the first task of the day if you make your bed every morning. It will give you a small sense of delight, and it will encourage you to do another task. So, by the end of the day, the task completed will have turned into many tasks. Making your bed shows the fact that little things in life matter. If you cannot do the little things right, you can never do the big things right.
And, if by chance you have a horrible day, you will go home to a bed that is made by none other than you. In my opinion, the made bed gives a picture of better days ahead. Exerting your effort gives you encouragement that the next day will be better.
To pass the open-water swimming training for cadets, there is a series of long swims that must be completed. Before the swims, the instructors ecstatically brief students on all the species of sharks. Nonetheless they assure you that no trainee has ever been bitten by a shark. But, you are also taught that if a shark begins to circle your position, stand your ground. Do not swim away. Do not be afraid. And if the shark darts towards you, then summon up all your strength and punch it in the snout. It will turn and swim away.
There are a lot of sharks in the world—sharks of all sorts. If you wish to complete the swim, you will have no choice but to deal with them. Do not back down from the sharks. Over a couple of weeks of difficult training, a class that starts with 100 trainees gets down to 40. You swim with trainees of different nationalities, height and weight. There are students who swim very fast and reach the shore long before others. I believe what matters most is your determination to thrive not the skin colour, nationality, education and social status. Measure someone by the size of their heart, not by the size of their swimming equipment.
There is a time when training becomes a nightmare. The water runs off and creates a swampy patch of terrain where the mud will engulf you. During the late night swim, the mud may consume trainees until there is nothing visible but their heads. They spend some time trying to survive the cold mud and the howling wind. It is apparent that some students easily give up. Those who persist somehow find the mud a little warmer and the wind a little mild, and the dawn not so far away. You can overcome the hurdles. Take some risks and step up during the worst times.
Like the training for military students, the path to your dream destination is not straight—there is a curve called failure, speed bumps called friends and red lights called sharks But, if you have a spare wheel called determination, an engine called perseverance, insurance called confidence, you will make it to your dream destination called success.
If anyone has learnt anything in their time traveling the world, it is the power of hope. You can make a better day for someone by giving them hope. Start each day with a task completed. Find someone to help you through life. To truly get from your starting point to your dream destination, it takes help from certain people. Respect everyone and never give up.
From my experiences in life, here is what I can recommend for staying calm in adverse situations:
- Take It Slow. The first and the most important thing for staying calm is to take it slow. Slow down. Practice patience. Give your brain some rest. Take a step away and slow down the speed of life.
- Be Mindful. Mindfulness has been proven to help with anxiety. Practice meditation or simply stay mindful by being aware of your inner feelings. Focus on yourself. Take your mind away from all the disturbing elements and slowly focus on yourself.
- Believe In Yourself. It is very important for you to believe in yourself, no matter how difficult the situation is. We tend to lose faith in our abilities when we are faced with challenges, but this one difference in how we think of ourselves in crisis is what differentiates winners from quitters.
- Connect With Positive People. This has always worked for me. I love to stay connected with people who bring positivity to my life. Especially during trying times, I connect with my old friends and family and they always have a way of making me feel better. Call a dear friend or spend time with kids. Get in touch with positive, optimistic people. Their positivity will certainly reflect upon you, too.
- Get Good Sleep. We simply cannot underestimate the stupendous power of good sleep. It is a great anesthetic agent that instantly relieves us of stress. If you find it difficult to sleep, pick up a non-fiction book – preferably motivational in nature – and chances are you will be able to sleep.
- Watch or Read Something Funny. I understand that it’s hard to laugh in adverse situations. However, to be able to laugh in difficult times only requires a shift in perspective. Watching or reading anything funny takes your mind away from the stressful agent and shifts it towards the lighter side. I highly recommend reading ‘Diary Of A Nobody’ by George and Weedon Grossmith.
- Exercise. Exercising helps by releasing endorphins, which are neurotransmitters that help us feel good. Go out running. Do an hour of yoga. Hit the gym. Sweat it out and I am sure you will feel better. I go out for a walk when I feel my brain is overloaded.
- Watch Motivational TED Talks. I am a huge fan of TED talks. In a short 15 minutes, they deliver the most power-packed talks that fill you with energy and motivation. I remember how I spent almost one full Sunday in watching various TED talks because I was feeling sad for no reason. By the end of the day, after having watched about 10 talks, I felt pumped up.
- Visit an Orphanage or Shelter Home. Many times our problems are not big, but we make them big by overthinking them. In times like these you might want to pay a visit to a shelter home to make yourself realize that there are millions who struggle for what we take for granted. I have personally made it a ritual to visit a shelter home every year on Diwali.
- Talk Less. Last but not least, it is very important to keep your tongue in check when everything seems to be going against you. To avoid any further stress or damage, talk less. The age-old wisdom to ‘think before you speak’ is extremely useful.